Losing Life….

Published April 26, 2012 by mytimewellspent

Once again, I have to apologize for my lengthy absence.  As some of you know already, my husband has cancer.  He’s been in the hospital about 3 times for various things.  Once was for a type of pneumonia, the second time was to have fluid drained from the sac around his heart, then this last time was due to respiratory distress due to an accidental, as close as close can be, overdose of Morphine while he was at his last chemo about 2 months ago.  Since then, he’s become weaker and no longer able to fight.  

He was recently, as of this past Monday, put on a PCA pump to deliver continuous dose of the pain med Dilaudid.  Needless to say, it’s not really done much good for him, besides help regulate his pain as well as take his cough away BUT it’s also bringing his imminent demise even closer, even quicker.  He’s not eaten much what so ever.  3 days ago, he ate 2 shrimp and yesterday he drank 1/2 a can of his protein shake…other than that, it’s a few sips of water or orange juice here and there.

He actually, during a brief moment of clarity, told me he loved me and that he was so sorry for having to put me through all of this and for having to leave me.  He then asked me if I could please, finally let him go.  He said he just can’t do it anymore.  He just wants to die.  Needless to say, my heart broke.  From what I’ve heard, usually when they get to that stage, to ask the most important person/persons to let them go, their time to go is near. 

Well, today has been filled with many people from his extended family, as well as my own mother and of course a nurse.  I asked the nurse how much time she thought he may have left…what her honest opinion was from her experience as this type of nurse and she, as well as my mother, who is also a nurse both agreed that maybe he has until sometime next week….but of course he could hang on for a bit longer but neither of them thinks he’ll make it to Mother’s Day.

So, this is why there’s been yet another absence from me.

I want to thank one and all for your patience.

 

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